As far as I know, we don’t start out as children who have small dreams. That’s really not the reality. I can’t deny I once dreamed to be a respected actress, or a Philippine President, or a Harvard summa cum laude. I even told it to teachers, friends, and sometimes, my parents. And I don’t want to forget those dreams God gave me.
Sometimes, I ask myself, is it even too high an ambition to dream for something your heart really screams to get? Like getting a PhD from an Ivy League school, probably. But who am I really?
Being from U.P.I.S doesn’t give me full assurance to be someone worthy of a chance to study in Harvard or Princeton. I was not even the valedictorian. Being from U.P. Diliman doesn’t also give me full assurance; I am not even Magna cum laude, much more not a Summa cum laude. But I know I have some intelligence or some talent. I am just a girl who desires great things. I fail a lot but I desire great things, believe me.
Before I got depressed, I felt like a lot of people were trying to inspire me to dream big. I thought that since I wanted Filipino television to have a Pinoy Archangel, Mulawin was birthed. Or that since I envisioned buildings to have gardens on top, Sky Gardens were also birthed. Or that I felt some ideas of mine really did matter. That there is this this divine conspiracy.
But I am not only the person in the Philippines who has a creative mind. I might just be deluded after all. Usually, I already forget which parts are from the inspiration I get from my dreams, and which parts are just my delusions.
I don’t know who knows who but I pray everyday I will somehow understand everything I need to understand.
I am just this girl who lives in this box in Quezon City, who some classmates admire, yet I can’t still claim I am “the brilliant mind”. I am just one of those 90 Million.
But still my blood boils. What is a dream worthy of? To me, vision is still everything. But when does the dream and reality meet? What is only for me and what is also for my country? I am sure I influence some people, but how great can that influence be? Will it be for the good?
I don’t care who would listen or not. I am determined to find the truth in everything and I would uphold it.
Hopefully, I’d find the truth in my dreams. I hope you too.