In this series, I would try to convey the message that mood disorders or M.D.s really do happen to people. But it is not that it is unconquerable, it is only hard to manage. But I really believe we can manage it up to the point that it will not anymore significantly affect us, by the grace of God. Because God is also Lord over all parts of our body. God is also Lord over our thoughts or feelings. First, what do people with mood disorder feel? As for my case, I did not know when it started. But as far as I remember, it was in Grade 6 when I already started feeling intense guilt. I usually cried. When I finish projects, I destroy them after. Then intense depression would make you hear people speaking in your head which you thought was just your conscience. You would start having fear of talking to people because you suddenly become confused with all the weird things you are experiencing aside from other transitions while growing up.
It probably rooted from one of my sins when I probably had too much anger or pride in my heart, or it could also probably be that it just had its onset at that age. I usually felt I have offended when I did not and also felt I did not offend when I did. Also little “setbacks” would feel like death you would cry off almost every night. It would go on and on until you get tired. So it is really a black hole. But why can it be overcome? Because you have a God. You also have a lot of other people around you who can help. You also have a heart that can still be revived. What I did was, I sought for professional help. I visited a psychiatrist and was brave enough to admit it to myself.
Then, I took my medications faithfully. I tried to go back to my roots and learn the Bible. I tried to re-open myself to people no matter how afraid I still was and slowly tried to forgive others and myself. Then, most importantly, I gave my all to God, and started my initially hard but very rewarding Christian walk. The Now Today, I still get my manic times and my depressive times. That’s why I still made this post tonight. That’s why the earlier posts are made very early in the morning. But unlike before when I would just sit down and cry, I can now fight because I put my faith in Christ. I just also get my inspiration from those who also had mood disorders but were able to succeed.